I get it – you and your kids are inundated with an endless possibility of stuff they can do. But your kids cannot do it all. When parents shepherd their kids towards activities instead of Christ, activities become their passion and not Jesus.
But right from the beginning, I just want to make it very clear: I am not anti-sports or activities for children. My boys have played on their high school sports teams, marching bands, jazz ensembles, high school plays, and all the like. So, we do not subscribe to a hermit ideology in our family.
That being said, we have felt the very strong pull that these activities can have, often at the peril of more important things in life. Things like the time we spend together as a family, and most importantly, the cultivation of our kid’s walks with Christ.
Western Culture: Your Kids are an Extension of You
The western mentality of setting your kids up for success (academically, athletically, etc) sounds commendable, but I think all too often it is counterfeiting for pride and idolatry. We live vicariously through our kids and suddenly their success becomes our success. Our value and worth are tied to them. I wrote about that here: Signs that Your Child is Becoming an Idol.
Life is all about choices – not dreams. What you choose to do with your daily 24 hours is whom you become and what you are; nothing more, nothing less. If you choose to spend a lot of your time watching TV, playing video games, and pursuing hobbies, that is who and what you are. It’s not that those things are wrong (I do all three), it’s that we very easily pursue the good and mediocre things in life instead of the best things. The best things are what focus our efforts on the pursuit of Christlikeness and pointing people towards Him. Frankly, many of us believers have the wrong priorities.
When adults live with wrong priorities, they cannot possibly shepherd their children toward right priorities. You can’t expect to lead your children into something you are not. So if you’re wondering why your children are not walking in the path they should, are choosing school activities over church activities, and generally find themselves more enamored with this world vs. Christ, here’s the best place to start to possibly see the root reason why: the mirror.
Do you walk the path you should (not perfectly, but with good direction)?
Do you choose church activities over other activities?
Are you more in move with this world than with Christ?
So quite possibly, your kids are just following suit.
I know, these are tough words to hear, and as I write this I look at my life/parenting and realize I have so much work to do and need maturity in so many areas. But that cannot be an excuse for continued bad shepherding. It should motivate me to live more obediently to my Lord.
Incompatible Wishes
In his book, Necessary Endings, Henry Cloud talks about the tragedy of Incompatible Wishes:
• I want to eat cheesecake all day, and I want to be skinny. Incompatible wish.
• I want to ignore my kids, and I want them to adore me. Incompatible wish.
• I want my kids to grow in Christ, and I want them to become incredibly popular. Incompatible wish.
• I want my kids to do youth group stuff, and I want every waking hour to be in activities. Incompatible wish.
And yet, a lot of our aspirations are comprised of incompatible wishes.
Parents, you have to choose. If you really want your children to excel in Christ, then their connection to the body of Christ (His church) is a non-negotiable imperative. You simply cannot expect your kids to embrace Christianity when you do not teach (and exemplify) the necessity of being connected to the body of Christ (His church). I’m not talking about your teens showing up to youth group once a quarter, I’m talking about prioritizing, above everything else, their connection to the body of Christ. It is there that they receive the teaching, sharpening, disciplines, and answers that they desperately need as young people.
Importantly, some parents put the entire weight of shepherding their children on the church. This is not a New Testament model. The New Testament clearly puts the weight of shepherding on parents, not Pastors. If you’re banking on the church to do in your kid’s lives what can only be accomplished in a Biblical home, you will be very disappointed.
So Skipping Church is Evil?
No, skipping church or youth group here and there is not evil. Skipping church occasionally on a Sunday is not going to put your kid’s faith in a perilous situation. However, not prioritizing regular church attendance, not prioritizing their connection to the body of Christ (in things like youth group attendance), not prioritizing their spiritual disciplines, and not encouraging them to get answers to the questions they have will put their faith in a perilous situation.
Add up, over the past 2 months, how many hours your kids spent in non-church activity vs. church activity. You’ll suddenly realize what I am talking about. I’m not saying that church activity hours have to outweigh non-church hours (it’s not possible), but it does demonstrate how many hours your kids are entrenched in worldly philosophies and activities that do not have a high eternal ROI (return on investment).
Parents – you have to prioritize between good, better, and best. It doesn’t mean you scrap what is good (sports and activities), but it does mean you prioritize their walk with Christ and their connection to the body of Christ (what is best) over other things. Christ told us to seek first God and His kingdom (Matthew 6:33). Sounds like a pretty clear-cut command to me.
Suggestions for Implementation
• Prioritize Sunday AM attendance (you’re there unless you absolutely cannot be)
• Prioritize youth activities at the church (if that means you have to scrap one of their activities to get your kids there, you do it).
• Prioritize daily time in the Word (Ensure each person in your family has a daily devotional and create the discipline within your kids of doing it).
With God’s strength and the accountability of other believers, you can do it!