Do you have someone in your life that is difficult to deal with? You likely do. Maybe you’ve even caught yourself saying something like:
“Wouldn’t it be great if everyone were more like me?”
That’s probably something no one would ever say, but in reality, we often times run into friction with other people because we have a set of beliefs, behaviors and thoughts that run contrary to others. And because we’re human, we tend to be pretty happy with ‘our’ set of beliefs and behaviors and often wonder why more people don’t arrive at the same conclusions we did. In other words:
“Wouldn’t it be great if everyone were more like me?”
People Aren’t Going Anywhere
The reality? Unless we’re ready to crash a FedEx plane off the coast of some deserted island and talk to a volleyball, we are stuck with people who are not like us for the rest of our lives. Thus, we can either 1) try to change everyone that we know to make them more like us, 2) change us. Option 2 clearly seems the better choice.
I want people to like me – and I want people to like my ideas, etc. (who doesn’t?). I can remember a time in ministry where I developed a great concept that genuinely irked some people the wrong way. It was not relating to a Biblical principle – it was clearly preferential, but you could have sworn I had recommended that we take Revelation out of the Bible. My first reaction was to react, but thankfully I took some time to digest the situation, pursue some wise counsel, and develop a measured, thoughtful response. I wish I handled things like that more frequently.
Dr. Terry Faulkenbury said that the average pastor leaves a church when he acquires seven difficult relationships.[1] For many pastors, that’s not good news. Additionally, many of us tend to genuinely like people, and the thought of people not appreciating us as much as we appreciate ourselves can be a little hard to swallow. Seeing as six to seven unfavorable relationships are likely common for most people, and running away from people isn’t really a good option, here are some things to consider when interacting with difficult people:I
Demonstrate genuine kindness to annoying people.
No patronizing. Not irritated. Refusing to try to ‘fix’ them in a 30 second conversation. Genuine, Spirit-enabled kindness. Listen to them. Make eye-contact. Don’t look for ways out. Ephesians 4:32 says that we are to be “kind to one another” without any disclaimers.
Annoying people should be the recipients of compassion.
People that are annoying probably haven’t always been treated well over the years. They have likely been mocked and ridiculed (which may even be contributing to their annoying demeanor). That should elicit from us a heart of compassion. With these people, turn annoyance into compassion. Ephesians 4:32 says we are to be “tenderhearted” (ESV), which speaks of a genuine, inner-emotion for someone.
I should treat annoying people the way I would want to be treated.
Guess what: some people find you difficult to deal with. It’s true. There are people that you genuinely annoy. How then should we be towards the people that annoy us? Probably a little more graced-based. When the ‘irk-meter’ is rising, be patient, and remember that we likely annoy people in the same ways people annoy us. When they say something that isn’t quite appropriate or lacks social graces, cut them some slack. Ephesians 4:32 says we are to be “forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.”
Dealing with someone who is difficult? Slow down and be kind to them, show
compassion, be quick to forgive. Remembering
someone likely needs to exercise those same principles towards you.
Scott D. Foreman is the Executive Pastor at Fellowship Bible Church in Mullica Hill, New Jersey. He and his wife Rachel are blessed with four wonderful sons.
[1] Dr. Terry Faulkenbury, “Learning the Skills of Persuasion, People Skills and Dealing with Difficult People,” (educational video), posted February 9, 2018, accessed March 25, 2019.